He's just down the road!

I have three boys ranging in ages from seven to eighteen. My oldest baby is now in college. He was home for winter (Christmas) break for a whole month and packed up and left last night to return to his dorm in college. I was thrilled to have him here and even though they wouldn't admit it, my two other boys loved having him back home for a while. I watched them silently for a few seconds as I passed through "nonchalantly". Days went by and I got used to him being here again, never taking for granted the precious time I had him back. I sneaked peaks at the boys laughing, playing and wrestling, taking mental pictures because I remembered when they hardly ever got along so well, smacking each other over the head, calling each other stupid and some other unkind words. As I was watching these little moments, I breathed them into my soul and burned them into my mind. So, as easily as it was to have him back in the house with his family where he belongs, it was exceptionally hard to let him go again. As the last few days before he was to leave approached, I could feel a weight bearing down on me. I was dreading the goodbyes again. His father and me had already gone through the letting go and the goodbyes when we helped him move into his dorm in the city.

 I got so grouchy and irritable with everyone those last couple days. I said I didn't know why but I knew. I always handle stress by being a jerk. I kept telling myself, "He's just down the road. He'll be back. Spring break, remember?" He is less than half hour away, in the city. I don't drive to the city unless I really have to. It unnerves me. It's a phobia I have, driving in cities and getting lost. So I told him before he left, "Don't forget anything, 'cause I'm not driving to the city." That probably sounds so jerky considering how much I'd love to see him to drop something off to him, but like I said, it's a phobia. (That's for another Hub).

Anyway, last night, he was stuffing his things into duffel bags and garbage bags and his girlfriend was there to drive him back. They attend the same college. I got out of his way. The last thing he wanted was his mommy standing there crying with his girl right there. By this time, my youngest ( the seven-year-old) started crying. He was going to miss his brother. I was trying to hold back tears and trying to comfort my little one at the same time. I kept telling him, "He's just down the road. I know, mommy's going to miss him too, but he'll be back." In comforting him, I realized I was comforting myself. I'm thinking to myself, For crying out loud, he's just down the road. You're being so silly. Get a grip!.

Me and my youngest sat together on the stairs waiting for my baby to drag the bags of stuff up the stairs and leave. We sat there together with our sad faces and waited. My college boy came up the stairs and saw my silent tears and said, "Why are you crying. I'm not dead!" "I know that....I'm just going to miss you. It was nice having you home." We hugged and he was out the door.

I went to bed, said a prayer that God would watch over him and I fell asleep.